The Life of a Prawn: Music Video Direction: Not For Everyone

There are few things I enjoy more than “Worst of…” lists or countdowns. So my original idea was to do a countdown of the worst music videos of all time. I realized however that this has been done a million times before, so I decided to try and make a compilation of videos that may not be as well known as the videos we see on VH1 countdowns once a month.

So here goes:

1. Thor – Anger:

Disclaimer: MIGHT CAUSE SEIZURES!!!

The video starts off with a bearded man in a robe frantically rubbing a shining sphere.

There is also a guy in chains (we don’t know much about him, except that “Anger” is his fucking middle name bitches):

After the guy in chains, there is an explosion followed by some top notch great acting by terrified women:

He-Man and Rambo makes cameo appearances:

"Wait, this isn't Eternia!"

Rambo seen here during a "Time-out"

Then there is this guy who probably wants to rape you:

The video ends with some more seizure inducing flashing imagery with Beard Man from the beginning of the video is about to get his day fucked up by Guy In Chains/He-Man

2. Armi & Danny - I Wanna Love You Tender

I’m ashamed to say that I found myself singing this in the car yesterday after watching it numerous times (for the purpose of this article).

Without further delay, let me introduce you to Danny:

And here’s Armi

Let’s be honest… she is adorable in a very 70’s Scandinavian way... Just like the women from ABBA were.

Dont tell me you wouldn't hit that

Interesting Fact: Armi was Miss Finland 1977. This explains her cuteness factor

And finally, the Finland Mental Hospital Cheerleading Squad:

As seen in this picture, the choreography of these mildly retarded souls is what makes this video so funny.

At 1:33, the guy doesn’t seem quite sure where to go. It’s almost as if he turns left as an afterthought. He shrugs this off with a dorky smile.

The sequence between 1:46 to 2:13 must be one of the strangest I’ve seen in music video history.

It starts with a Human Starfish:

And ends with a tall guy walking funny making a finger mustache

It finally ends with Danny and Armi getting right the hell out of there with a Car Spaceship

3. Jan Terri – Losing You

The very first comment on YouTube (when I wrote this) was the following: “It hurts watching this vid. All i see is mullets and fat people…”

That right there pretty much sums up the video.

The 2^nd comment was the following: “Is she singing about her fridge or a dildo?”

Once you’ve watched the video and listened to the chorus (which gets repeated about a million times), you will notice immediately why this is one of the funniest comments on any YouTube video.

This is a sunlit Jan in a limo busy:

a. reminiscing about a long lost love

b. Displaying inner conflict of whether she’s having waffles, KFC or waffles topped with KFC.. and maple syrup… and cheese… and bacon… and cake, lots and lots of cake… and NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM…

A bit later she is seen yawning:

Enters Mullet Man:

Never one to disappoint her many "fans", she is seen here waving at them

The following scene depicts Jan and Mullet Man not giving any fucks about obeying Stop signs. They also refuse to wear crash helmets. Rules do not apply to these badass rebels

the video ends with her flying away and doing what she didn't want to do... lose him tonight

4. Zlad – Elektronik Supersonik

Ok ok, this is a parody so it would be stupid to make comments. I still think it’s still pretty funny.

Lady Gaga is seen here in her first video. (Things haven’t changed much over the years)

I would suggest reading the lyrics first:

Hey baby wake up from your a sleep
We have arrived onto the future
And the whole world is become....

Elektronik, Supersonik,
Supersonik, Elektronik,

Hey baby ride with me away,
We doesn't have much time,
My blue jeans is tight,
So onto my love rocket, climb,
Inside tank of fuel is not fuel, but love,
Above us, there is nothing above,
but the stars, above

All systems gone!
Prepare for downcount!

5....4....3....1! Off blast!

Fly away, my space rocket,
You no need put money in my pocket
The door is closed I just lock it,
(Ha) I put my (Ha) port plug in your pocket (Ha Ha Ha)

The sun is guys its bright like fire
You and me get higher and higher
Cut communication wire
Only thing can stop us is flat tire

Ha, Ha, Ha Ha Ha Ha

Hey love crusaider
I want to be your space invader
For you I will decend the deepest moon crater
I is more stronger than Darth Vapour
Obey me I is your new dictator
For you is Venus, I am Mars
With you I is more richer than all the tzars
Make a wishes on a shooting stars
Then for you I will play on my cosmic guitars!

Ladies and Gentlemen
Fasten your beltses
We has commenced our decent
I trust you enjoy this flight
As much as you enjoy this accent

Now back on Earth it’s time for downsplash
Into sea of eternal glory my spaceship crash
People have arrived for cheer me from near and far
And as I float I open door and shout
"I is worlds biggest, wash-up superstar!"

And then watch the video:

5. Styx - Mr. Roboto

I had to put some legitimate music on this list as well.

I will be the first one to admit that I love this song. I listened to this during my childhood and I think it’s fantastic. But when it comes to music videos, it’s one of the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sure you’ve seen it before…