Before you read this, please take note that I am a music snob. I do believe that my range of music that I listen to and the amount of music I’ve listened to over the years, qualifies me to write this.
Once one has heard Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin or any other decent band from music’s rich history, one can maybe begin to understand why I believe the following is everything that’s wrong with music (for this week at least).
Please also note that I am not taking a dig at people who like this music. To each his own I say.
So in my humble (yet very correct and wildly intelligent) opinion, here are some the things that has me turning off my radio whenever it comes on.
1. Liquideep – Alone
Can you HONESTLY say this is a good song? Fairytale wasn’t that bad actually. But this song sounds like the soundtrack for the suicidal. I also think it’s wrong to mock single people. Yes, I know it’s about how you DON’T have to be alone, but I think this song has cleverly hidden subliminal messages. Much like Ozzy Osbourne with Suicide Solution* or Judas Priest with Better by you, Better than me *. The phrase being repeated here is “ALONE ALONE ALONE alone alone alone alone….” And let’s be honest, the guy isn’t singing the song, he’s CRYING the song. This song is enough to push anyone with a death wish right over the edge. Bring on the Prozac!!!
* Americans overreacting… again
2. Jax Panik! – Dinosaur
First let me just say that I have an over-all problem with pussy music thinking its Rock n Roll.
“I’m a rockstar baby I’m a rockstar”. PLEASE tell me HOW are you a rockstar? Do you know the definition of Rock music? If you haven’t, I can tell you with confidence that your music IS NOT Rock music.
Another thing that irritates me about this song is that it sounds like whatever sound effects. It sounds like someone left a child with a laptop, cheap entry range DAW* and a MIDI controller with pre-installed animal sounds.
I’m sorry, but this song just screams “I’m trying to be so witty and silly”. But actually, it just comes across as pretentious.
3. Willow Smith – Whip my Hair
OH my good blazing shiny polished fuck.
The emotions and changes that occur in my body when I hear this abortion of a fucking retarded piece of crap, includes the following: *
- An overwhelming feeling of nausea fills every pore of my body.
- An extreme buildup of pressure in the area of the anus
- Feelings of rage. Feelings of rage so intense that the Medical Community is yet to find an answer or explanation to this phenomenon.
- Homicidal
- Deeply saddened – sad to the point of extreme depression. A depression that can’t even be brought up by listening to “Alone”.
- An urge to scream. Just fucking scream.
*Not limited to
4. Lil’ Wayne – (Too many to list here)
He sounds like a fucking mosquito and I’m sure he suffers from some sort of mental illness. I mean look at this fucking idiot:
And when he screams, he sounds like he is either:
a) Being molested by a horse
b) Being bitten by a snake
c) Having a mental breakdown
d) Having incontrollable bowl syndrome
Honorable Mentions:
- Rihanna – Only Girl (Even if you were the only girl in the world, I would still much rather fuck a couch. Well, maybe not. Scratch that. Still a horrible song though)
- Jack Parrow – Cooler as Ek (this was fun the first 3 or 4 time I heard it. Getting very old and if you’re really honest with yourself, it’s really not THAT great)
And there you have it. Please note that this is my opinion and at the end of the day it’s just an opinion. I’m sure everyone I mentioned on this list is exceptional artists in their own right. (Well except for maybe Lil’ Wayne and Willow Smith). And I honestly do wish everyone a great career. Whatever keeps your fans happy and puts bread on the table. Just don’t expect any love from me.
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