My view on Veganism

It seems as if the world has been losing its fucking mind completely these days. Celebrating mediocrity like Justin Bieber, ‘lil Wayne (or any type of “hip-hop” ) or any other kak they play on the radio these days. And that’s all good and well. I mean, if it wasn’t for the 80”s and the horrible shoulder pads, perms and paper being ripped down the middle of our screens in the middle of an 80”s music videos, we would never have had anything to sing karaoke to at weddings or birthday parties.

But every now and then, a new trend farts its way along the giant and oh so susceptible nostrils of mankind. And in all honesty, this trend has had me worried for quite a while now. Just like all the other “noble” ideas in recent history, this idea is also starting off as very noble indeed. I am talking about the thing which is known as “veganism”.

Now vegetarians have been one of my culinary enemies for years. I know them vegetarians very well. I worked in a Kitchen for two years and know the ins and outs of them. But, I have given up my fight against them for most of them just hate the taste of meat. I don’t eat liver, kidneys, tripe, polony, etc etc so I will concede. I still don’t like it, but I will let it go, at least for now.

Now before I let loose a shit storm, lets first have a look at some of the most well known ideas which human kind has had which had promised so much, but at the end of day, just proved that most human beings are about as intelligent as a soggy piece of LO- GI bread.

We all hear the term “Communism” now and we immediately associate it with drunken Russians, vodka, red flags and Stalin. But, the original idea was quite noble… You see, if you weren’t born a Romanov or of any other noble heritage, you were a peasant. So came the Revolution in 1919 and wealth was to be spread to all the people. Seems pretty noble, right? Well, add crazy dictators to this mix and the whole idea goes to shit. We all know how Communism ended up. The biggest social experiment in World History ended in massive failure. Some of the former Eastern bloc countries are still picking up the pieces.

 

This brings me to Nazisism. Now Hitler was a self centered, racist, vegetarian asshole. So I’ll be the first one to say, the idea of Fascism was probably not a very noble idea when it was conceived, but the German people bought into this idea at first. Being humiliated and left in MASSIVE amounts of debt after WW1, Hitler rose up and promised to bring Germany back on to the world stage where it belongs. If you were an ordinary citizen and you hear that, you would also follow him. If only the people knew what they were voting for. We all know how this ended. One of history’s most barbaric regimes which left the World devastated.

Comparing Veganism to any of the above must sound completely retarded at first, but read on.

So, Vegans, we’re not eating any animal products are we? If you think you’re saving the world one day at a time, you are unfortunately sadly mistaken. In fact, you are contributing to a disaster on the scale of the 2004 Tsunami, Vietnam and Steven Seagal’s music career.

Sorry, maybe I'm being a bit harsh on the Vegans

Lets say we all slowly but surely turn in to hippies, sorry I meant hipsters… sorry, erm, assholes… sorry again, vegans. We don’t use ANY animal products. Milk, meat, eggs, cheese and countless other things are now off limits… here is the realistic scenario.

Cows will have absolutely NO more reason for existing. We can’t eat them, we can’t use their milk. We can’t keep them around, because the now dirt poor cow farmers who has already lost everything because they have no way to support themselves or their families anymore. So I foresee staggering numbers of cows being euthanized. The screams will be over whelming. People will go mad. Cows being slaughtered for… NO FUCKING PURPOSE AT ALL.

Sheep will also be obsolete. STRICT vegans are not allowed to use wool for example. So if we all turn into Vegans, sheep will have no reason to be around. Again, 100000000’s of people will lose their jobs… their livelihood. The crying Lambs will NEVER be silenced.

"Will they Clarice?"

Chickens are just as unlucky. Want an egg? FUCK YOU!!! How’s that brand new feathered pillow working out for you? FUCK YOU!!! Countless jobs lost and countless chickens (and turkeys, ducks, etc) slaughtered for no reason. We can’t keep them around after all. They serve no purpose to society and are in fact a drain on our vegetarian resources. They would have to go.

Yeah keep laughing motherfuckers. This may be your last

 Bees have it lucky I suppose because they would have to stick around for pollination. But honey farmers unfortunately are all out of jobs now for we are not allowed to eat or use honey anymore. It is after all an animal product? So sorry bee farmers, FUCK YOU!!!

Fish will initially have it good as I’m sure they provide some purpose in ensuring the ocean’s echo system is kept on an even keel. But, in a few years, the oceans will become over populated. Now I’m no expert, but I’m SURE this can’t be good. So we will have to eventually start rounding up fish and slaughter them.

Hartebeespoort Dam Pier - 2110

In 400 years, future generations will watch programs on National Geographic where the question will be asked: “Where did it go wrong?” which translates to: “How the fuck did those assholes mange to drive so many species of animal to extinction?” The answer will be clear… it wasn’t Nazism, it wasn’t Communism, and it wasn’t Apartheid or any other failed and horrible idea.

No sir, it was Veganism. Veganism managed to fuck it all up.

This fucking guy

*****